I thought now would be a good time to write and update my blog, 1 year ago today I was in isolation at Hallamshire hospital, I have just turned 50! And I have not long been given the ‘all clear’.
I am always a bit nervous about writing a blog as you never know the response you get to it, so here goes and I hope someone gather some sort of comfort from this, finds it funny or just thinks I’m a raving lunatic.
Funnily enough, I actually wrote a blog post on 9th September but never published it. I was sat in a field, while camping in Norfolk, about 1.30 in the morning suffering from the shits, not long after I had got the call to say my PET scan was completely clear of cancer!! In fact, I’ll publish it and you can see for yourself my thoughts and feelings of been given the ‘all clear’.
This time last year I was going through the most horrendous side effects and looking back I never thought I would have been in this place now, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to live every day and although I still have that ‘couldn’t give a shit attitude’ towards my cancer, I know I am very lucky and I count my blessings.
I have just turned 50, something I did not think I’d see, and now life is full of surprises. Like, a free pen from Sun Life for taking out an over 50’s plan. Having to live on Gaviscon (other heartburn relief products do exist but are pretty shit) not being able to eat anything with the tiniest amount of sugar in it and burping and wincing with a burning sensation in my chest. FORGETTING EVERYTHING!! My memory is shit, especially my short-term memory (thanks chemo) and now when I cannot remember something, I just insert the word fuck or fucking and that seems to work. So, I swear a lot more, just out of pure frustration but I can be mid-sentence and just totally forget what I was talking about. I think I have turned up for 3 non existent appointments at the hospital over the last couple of months.
Life is good though, you don’t realise how good something is, until it is nearly taken away from you. I wake up every day, which is a bonus, and I still check my neck for any lumps and bumps. I am left with scarring in my neck, which has caused my neck to be swollen but there’s nothing sinister in it. Obviously, we live in different times now, with a global pandemic but if what I had last year, did not kill me, then I am sure that I can get through this in one piece (famous last words!).
I love to travel and over the past 12 months, i have been incredibly fortunate to get away. Again, it's down to living for every moment but i've managed to get to Cape Verde, Spain, Corfu, Lake District, Great Yarmouth and Cornwall, not too bad considering but every opportunity I get, I try to enhance my own experiences. Nothing is impossible! (Which advert?) Just do it! (??)
I have looked back at some of the photos that I took over the last few months. There are times when I thought I was doing so well but when looking back, I look bloody awful. One picture I look like Frankenstein (I know Mel, Frankenstein was the Doctor and not the Monster).
I was at a funeral not long ago and thought over and over again, that this could have been me. And then when it was over I thought to myself, there is no bloody way my service is only going to be half an hour long. I want a double session booked at least. Although Mel keeps saying she’s going to put me in a carboard box and just stick me in the bin!!
I recently caught up with a good friend, who is going through something much worse than me, and to see her bravery and how she’s fighting this gave me so much hope and strength. She recalled the lack of care and understanding she has had from her consultant and had to take the ‘alternative’ route to give herself every chance of surviving. I am so grateful to all of the staff at Chesterfield Royal Hospital, especially the nurses in Haematology and everyone on Hasland Ward, I still keep in touch with them now and they will never know how thankful I am for what they did.
And now…….i usually write my blog when I’m in a bad place and this has been a little bit different. Almost manufactured because life and, I am so well. I have not had that raw emotion to batter down on the keyboard to unleash my feelings. I don’t do social media as much now, if any at all. I really want to tell you about a documentary I watched about social media but I fucking can’t remember what its twatting called!! I’m going to have to Google it…….Social Dilemma on Netflix. If you get a spare hour, watch it, fascinating.
So………….auf weidersehen, adios, addio, au revoir. I bid you farewell, and hope life is treating you well. Make of it what you can and don’t miss an opportunity to take your life forward for the better.
Sending you the best wishes and all of the love in the world.