I used to write my blog at some unusual times but never at 1.30am in a field in Norfolk on a Wednesday. On a camping trip and I’m unable to sleep, the thought of writing again has been going around in my head, so here goes.
It’s been over 2 weeks, since I got the amazing news that I no longer have cancer, my body is free from that horrible disease. It’s so strange how it comes down to one phone call, which makes or breaks your life.
I had my PET scan on a Tuesday afternoon and I got the call on a Thursday morning. My heart sank for that one split second when I saw the withheld number on my phone, knowing exactly who’d be on the other end of the call. I had been told that it would take 3 working days for the hospital at Chesterfield to get the results, this call wasn’t even 36 hours since my scan. My first initial thought was shit, that’s quick.
The news of my scan was at a make or break stage, it was either going to be really good news or really bad news, there was not a lot in between. Thankfully, it was good news, I was told the scan shows no trace of cancer anywhere. What anywhere?? was my response. I had to ask 3 times for clarification, I just couldn’t believe it. It all seemed a blur, as I’ve been used to bad news over the past 18 months to 2 years.
Since then, it’s been a bit strange not having cancer. I’ve had this invisible shield on for the best part of 2 years, batting off bad news, treatment after treatment, hospital visit after hospital visit and to release this ‘cloak’ has taken some getting used too. As I’ve always tried to do is take it in my stride and keep this “I don’t give a shit” aura going. Never getting to upset at bad news and not getting to overjoyed at the good.
So what does the future hold??
I’ve never been one for statistics but I recently found out 62% of everyone who has a stem cell transplant makes it too 12 months. 12 months seems to be the figure to aim for.......mid November 2020 then!!!!!!!
I would love to be able to help others who are going through this, I don’t know how but I’ll find a way. There’s already a support group that we’ve tried to put together but has been rudely interrupted by some global pandemic.
I wanted to write a book about my experience but having chatted to a good friend, “I’m probably not famous enough” to get a book done. He did come up with a great idea of doing podcasts around it so that’s some to think of.
What I do know, is that I am grateful for everyday I have, I still stick to doing one thing a day that’s gets me out of the house. I get on really well with my consultant and he’s brutally honest. His passing words were “I can give you the all clear, but we will meet again”.
I live with the fact that this will return but it might be tomorrow, it might be in 10/20/30 years time, I just don’t know. So, there’s no point kicking my heels for that impending day. I need to be doing something productive on a daily basis, fingers crossed, I can return to work after the 12 months is over in December as well.
I have to end with a massive thank you to my partner, Mel. I have no idea what I have put her through this last 2 years, she has been immense by my side. As a patient, you know what you are going through but for Mel, I have no idea. One day I might be great to get her to write her side of the story, I’d imagine it would fascinating to read.
And I’ve just proved, as a man, I’m shit at saying thank you.