This is the final chapter of my experience and blog. I had hoped my last blog would’ve been the last one and I’d sailed through my stem cell transplant. This has taken me a long time to write this and I’m hoping this gives me final closure on what has been an incredible journey.
My experience of the stem cell transplant was horrific and I sincerely mean that, I don’t mince my words on that. I have been out of hospital for 9 weeks now and it’s taken me this long to actually feel comfortable to put this all into words, I really struggled with the side effects and I was taken to some dark and unpleasant places.
On finishing the chemo and having my stem cells placed back into me, I was warned about the side effects but I had breezed through all of my other chemotherapies and I felt in a good place to deal with whatever came my way. I was back at my flat in Sheffield when I felt I needed to run to the toilet, I started coming out of both ends. I was throwing up into the sink and then sitting on the toilet, while my world was falling out of my bottom! This continued for what seemed an eternity and I felt it was never going to end and I knew it was time to ring the hospital.
The hospital wanted me to go straight in to see them and on arrival I was given a room, which was an isolation room and I then realised I wasn’t in a good position. By this time I had a tongue which was very swollen and full of sores, it barely fit in my mouth. I went through all of the usual admin and observations and settled down for what could be a rough ride, but it was nothing I could have expected.
I was having diarrhoea 6/7 times a day and because of my tongue, I was unable to eat. I’m now hooked up to a drip so I could have some fluids. The next 14 days absolutely broke me and on a couple occasions I was prepared to throw in the towel. Little did I know the extent of the side effects, I think I’m indestructible, nothing can break me, I’m mentally strong but I was totally unprepared for what was to hit me.
When I arrived at the ward on that fateful evening I had to be weighed, 119kg was my first weight, 14 days later I was 101kg. I hadn’t or couldn’t eat in those 14 days, I was still hooked up to my drip. Wherever I went, so did my drip! I had diarrhoea for everyday I was in there, but not once or twice day. 7/8 times a day!! My blood counts were at zero so I was at serious risk from infection. Sleep deprivation was awful as I had my observations every 4 hours, everyday.
I was on P ward which is 13 floors up at Hallamshire, on a couple occasions I could’ve quite happily jumped out of that window. One evening, it was about 2am and the nurse came in to take my blood pressure for the umpteenth time and I asked her if she could put me out of my misery. I think she thought I was joking but I was deadly serious, I just wanted the pain and suffering to end. I’d had enough.
Then out of the blue in my daily consultation, it was a Wednesday, funny how you remember these things. The consultant said to me your blood count has started to rise so you can go home!! The plan is to let you go home on Saturday. I still had the runs, a swollen tongue and I couldn’t quite believe I was well enough to go home, but I wasn’t going to let this stop me. I needed to get out of this bloody isolation room.
As the consultant left I looked at Mel and I burst into tears. It was over, the treatment was over, I was getting out of this hell hole. The relief was immense and I just couldn’t believe it was done, no more chemo, observations, drips, hundreds of tablets.
By the time Saturday came everything had subsided, I was packed and ready to leave but I was so unwell. I desperately wanted to get home and couldn’t let the nurses see I wasn’t in a great state but when someone gives you that green light to go home, I wasn’t going to give it up.
Those 14/15 days were the most horrendous days of my life, I always talk about having a plan, taking small steps, being mentally strong but I was taken to absolute brink in this time. I have no idea how I got through it, I’ve always been a stubborn bugger, so that must’ve been a help. Some days and nights are a blur, I never want to go through that again.
Saturday 23 November was the day I got out, it’s a day I will never forget, I leave with an experience which has scarred me forever and I hope that I can learn and share from this time. It has given me the opportunity to not take a day for granted, life can change in the blink of an eye. My life is on hold now until the end of February when I get my PET scan and results from the consultant.
Thank you for coming on this journey with me and I hope just one thing that we’ve experienced over the last few months helps or gives you a crumb of comfort. This is the final leg of my rollercoaster ride and closure is a wonderful thing. What’s happens in the future is nothing but a bonus and I cherish everyday I have to live life to the full. I recently found out that a lady who was at the same stage as me, didn’t make it and that really hit home how fortunate I am.
So.......never lose that ability to love what you do, never lose that ability to smile at a stranger, love each and every day. And never forget the rocking chair analogy........have no regrets and live life to the full.
Lots of love to you all ❤️