I never envisaged issues around loosing my hair, my hair has always been short and to be honest, I look a bit of a clip with it a times because i'm not that arsed about how it looks these days. Long gone are the days of the Chris Waddle perm of the 80's, as well as the bowl cut with blonde streaks in it. I once got voted in the 10 worse haircuts in the Newcastle United fanzine in the late 80's...…...how rude!!
I was told that I would lose my hair by the consultant and it would be around the 2nd lot of chemo, so after the first treatment, I decided to get my head shaved with a number 2 all over. Thinking that if it fell out it would only be little bits and not a great mass of hair everywhere. Only days after getting my hair cut, I put some suntan cream on and thought I had better cover my new formed, shiny napper with the cream as well to be a responsible adult. This left me with hairy palms and this was the first sign of my hair falling out. All day I could feel the fine hairs dropping onto my face and it was driving me mad, the final straw was when I woke up the next morning. I had a face full of fine hair and it was in my mouth as well, so it was out with my own shaver and the bugger was coming off. Right down to the wood!!
The first thing I noticed was how cold my head was, it was a baking hot weekend but I could still feel every draft catching my head and sending a chill over me. The next I needed was a hat, but I didn't have any, off to the shops to buy a couple of caps to help keep my dignity in place and also to keep the sun off my head.
At first, I didn't really care what people thought of my shiny dome but reality kicked in really soon. Were people looking at me, judging me, feeling sorry for me, laughing at me, all of these thoughts whirled through my head, so I hid under my cap for the next few days. It went everywhere with me and I even took my cap to a cancer support group. And a that stage I only felt comfortable in removing my cap, I was surrounded by like minded people and they didn't give a monkeys about my hair. They had all been through it and experienced the same sort of emotions.
One lady was telling me about the time she was told that she would lose her hair, she had hair that went down to the middle of her back and it was going to devastate her. She went through the process of having it cut shorter until the fateful day it started to fall out. I'm not sure if ladies find this process more of a trauma then men, i'm guessing that they do, maybe someone can enlighten me??
Now, as I write this today, I have ditched the caps and proudly sport my new hair style, it may even get back into the top ten worst haircuts at NUFC again?
It has been a weird process to go through but thankfully I have come through the other side in a better place. I have worked out, the general public don't really give a shit what my hair looks like and I am not that important that people have time to judge me or feel sorry for me. Everyone is just living their lives and I am an insignificant dot on their landscapes.
I hope this has given someone a crumb of comfort that it is a big deal losing your hair but in the grand scheme of things, we have a lot more challenges ahead. I would love to know your thoughts on this, so please feel free to let me know. And if I am talking a whole loads of bollocks, I am happy to be told so. My goal now, is in 12 months time, I am having the Chris Waddle perm gain!!!!!!
